


dearly, i am writing

by joyrides



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Car Accidents, M/M, Mental Illness, Therapy, idek what to tag so ill tag later maybe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:12:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7755505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyrides/pseuds/joyrides
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I think it’s okay,” Josh begins. “To not want to see things so foreign to you. I think it’s okay to be cautious sometimes. But I would be more than happy to hold your hand and lead you towards the rest of eternity.” </p><p>“Would you lead me through the things in this town too? Through my own problems, the ones in my own mind?”</p><p>“Yes.” He doesn’t hesitate for a second.</p><p>--</p><p>do you think this is how it’s meant to be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	dearly, i am writing

My eyes were red from crying. Well, not only that. They were ridiculously red, and looking at myself in the mirror for too long was a mistake. A second too long is all it takes for me to start to list everything. One hand was twisting my dark hair between my fingers, inspecting its messiness. The bathroom of the house that I was in was probably the worst of all the sketchy bathrooms I’ve been in my lifetime, which was a lot. This house was in the worst of the bad part of town, and to think I lived so close to such a place almost surprised me, even though I knew it shouldn’t.

A knock on the door made me jump out of my skin. 

“Tyler, dude, are you doing okay?” Brendon’s worried voice came from the other side. I released a sigh of relief. 

“Yeah,” I replied, throwing the hood of my black sweatshirt up. I swung the bathroom door open and was greeted by the face of a definitely high Brendon. 

Brendon was my only friend. We understood each other’s problems (to an extent, really). We met when he picked me up off the streets for a night, but ended up liking me even more than either of us intended. But in a friend way. A friend way. I think he has a thing for people just a fucked up as he is, whether that be in a romantic, sexual, or friendship manner. 

“We should get going soon,” Brendon said, shaking me out of my thoughts. “Somebody broke out the cocaine and I don’t feel like getting arrested tonight.”

“Because the police are totally guaranteed to show up at every party we go to?” Brendon frowned and pulled me out of the bathroom. 

“Oh hush, I like to be safe sometimes.”

“Mhm.” I let Brendon guide me out of the house. We both hopped into his car, and began to drive away. Except, I noticed almost immediately, we weren’t heading towards our shared apartment. 

“Uh… Where we going?” I voiced my concern. Brendon usually had reasons for things he did, but once you have trust issues, they never really leave your head. 

“Another party,” Brendon replied cooly. 

“Why? Need to pick up something?”

“Nah, not anything like that.” He turned on the radio, but kept the volume to a minimum. “I got a friend who’s back in town. He’s pretty cool, you’ll like him.” 

“Yeah? What’s he like?”

“Looks tough but isn’t. One of those dudes. Likes music, listens to a lot of Death Cab. Told me about Keaton Henson recently, but it’s too quiet of music for me, you feel?”

“Go on.”

“Had a rough childhood, poor thing. He’s a sweetheart though. Oh, he drums sometimes.”

Brendon knew what I wanted to know. He was definitely teasing me. “Dude.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Yeah man, he’s pretty good looking if I do say so myself. But careful with that one.”

“Why?”

“Just trust me.” And I did. 

The house was only about fifteen minutes away from the previous one. This party looked much smaller than the usual, but that was a good thing for me. When Brendon and I reached the front door, he paused and turned to me. 

“You sure you’re alright? I didn’t stop to ask earlier, but you haven’t been lookin’ so hot lately.”

I gasped in fake shock. “You don’t think I’m hot?” Brendon chuckled and pushed me gently.

“You can trick pretty much anybody else except for me, Tyler.”

We make our way into the household. The air was thick and heavy with the unmistakable scent of weed. There were only about twenty or so other people there, so I’m comfortable. All heads turned to us, and excited chorus of yells and whistles erupted from a group huddled on a couch. Some of them abandon the game of Call Of Duty they had previously been engrossed in to greet Brendon and I. I shake hands and smile politely. It’s what I’m good at, faking smiles, as terrible as it sounds. 

Brendon seemed to know all of them well. He was a very social person, much more social than me. The number of friends of his that came through our shared apartment always baffled me. I couldn’t imagine having to remember that many names.

“Tyler,” Brendon said, pulling me out of thought. “This is Josh.”

The guy standing in front of me was probably the weirdest guy I’d ever come across. His face looked so gentle, so sweet and soft. He looked as if there was not a fiber of mean in him. Josh held a hand out to me. His hand was soft. 

“I’m Josh. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too. I’m Tyler.” 

Josh was quiet. Josh liked to watch as other people laugh and have fun. He stood and watched and laughed at a joke here and there. We were similar in that way, the way in which we both prefer shying away than having the attention on us. We were similar. 

Brendon and I stayed for a while. Soon it was one and the morning, and Brendon was pulling me out of the house and into our car. Out of the car, and then into our house. We shared a bed, but just as friends. It was a rather large bed, comfortable, and it gave us enough room for our sleeping situation to still seem at least a little bit heterosexual. Bren fell asleep before I do. I listened closely to his breathing and I tried to sleep but somebody’s pretty face was lingering in my mind. 

*

I didn’t see Josh again until a month later. 

I was in a gas station to get M&M’s for both me and Brendon while he got gas. Josh was there, he’s grabbing a Red Bull. He saw me and smiled. I smiled back politely and his smile grew. 

“Tyler, right?”

“Yeah. Josh.”

“Haven’t seen you since that party. I was actually just about to ask Brendon if we all could hang out sometime.”

My hands grip the two bags of M&M’s a little tighter. “That would be pretty sweet.” 

We both payed for our items and meet Brendon outside. They chatted, Brendon leaning against the driver’s door. I sat in the passenger seat and I counted my blessings, my sins, and anything else I could think of. I didn’t ever end up eating the m&m’s. 

*

Brendon and I were at the grocery store, waiting in line. He picked out two bags of M&M’s as he talked on the phone with Josh. 

“Yeah man, that sounds cool. I think it’d be even cooler if…”

I counted the times I tapped my foot against the white tile floor until I reached one hundred and switched my bag of M&M’s for a bag of Skittles. 

*  
“Josh is coming over later,” I heard Brendon call from the kitchen. I was sitting on the couch with my big grey sweatshirt on, writing words in a notebook with a blue pen. I didn’t respond to Brendon, so he repeated himself. He walked into the room and I nodded in response. 

“Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to sound annoying but, um.” He paused and searched my face before sitting on the other end of the couch. I didn’t know what he was looking for. “You sure you’re okay?”

I shook my head and smirked. “You’re such a good wife, worrying about my well being.”

He laughed and kicked my leg. “Yeah, whatever. Have you been-” He shielded himself from my notebook when I chucked it towards him. “-taking your meds?”

“Yes I’ve been-” I picked up a pillow and threw that too. “-taking them.”

Our laughter faded away as he both got distracted by the TV. Two hours and many episodes of Friends later, a knock on the door pulled us out of our trance. 

Josh was an easy guest to keep track of he. He never spoke too quickly, his words were slow a methodical. He thinks a moment before he responds, and his words were soft and full of thought. 

I had only been watching the two converse in the kitchen until a question is directed at me. 

“Where do you work?” Josh asked me. However, before I can tell him myself, Brendon answers for me. 

“Ah, he doesn’t work. Not right now at least.”

Josh gave me a sort of sympathetic smile and I accept it. He stayed for a few hours and the three of us talked mindlessly. In the night, long after he is gone and asleep in a house miles away, I dream of him. We were in the snow together, walking hand in hand. He was the first to speak. 

“Do you ever think about how small the world is? It’s not that big.”

“To you, probably,” I replied. “I’ve never left this town before.”

“Never?” I shook my head. “Wow.”

“I’m scared of the things I don’t know about. There’s so much in the world that I haven’t seen before. Any normal person would want to see those things.”

“...but you don’t?”

“No.”

We continued through the snow as gentle snowflakes fell softly and quietly. 

“I think it’s okay,” Josh begins. “To not want to see things so foreign to you. I think it’s okay to be cautious sometimes. But I would be more than happy to hold your hand and lead you towards the rest of eternity.” 

“Would you lead me through the things in this town too? Through my own problems, the ones in my own mind?”

“Yes.” He doesn’t hesitate for a second. 

That’s when I woke up. It was four in the morning, but I shook Brendon awake anyways and told him about it. 

“It was the most vivid dream I’ve had in forever,” I said, my breath shaky. “Is this an omen? Some kind of premonition of something?”

“Relax, Tyler.” I could hear the sleepiness in his voice. “If you want it to mean nothing, then it means nothing. If you want it to be some kind of vision or some shit then yeah, totally. Raven Baxter.” 

“Brendon!”

“Well! I don’t think a dream you have about a boy you like is that concerning, to be honest.”

“I don’t like him.” I heard a ‘yeah, sure’ from Brendon but I ignored it. “I think I should be concerned.”

“So be concerned about it, but can I please sleep now? Some people have jobs.”

I frowned but crawled back under the covers with him. I tried to sleep too, but once again, somebody’s pretty face was stuck in my mind.


End file.
